dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
