He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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