hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
