is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
