You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So vagazzling was a success
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
