The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
