I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So much Jack, so little girl.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
