youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
