She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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