as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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