Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
