dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
