Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
