I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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