is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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