Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
