no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Someone shit on the floor
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
