sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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