its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
God, I missed his penis.
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