what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
