Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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