What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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