So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
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I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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