how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
