I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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