I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
NoShamevember. You game?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
