He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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