instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
