i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
