I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
