the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
