He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
