How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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