Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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