If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i came on her dog
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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