I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
