I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize
