I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
