Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
