Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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