Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
