I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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