I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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