I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
