is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
