maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
