Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
