i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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