This is not my ceiling
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
