I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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