I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
