I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
