i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
