I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
