My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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