i will never coherently bang her
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
