This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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