There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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