So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
