I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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