So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
