got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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