you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
