you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
sarcasm needs its own font
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
