Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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