when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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