I heard we made out
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
