Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
