Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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