"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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