So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
