you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize